I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
