At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
