Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
i believe in u and ur pee
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
