it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
