There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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