YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
