hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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