I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
