she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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