I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
