Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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