you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
