I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
