I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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