Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
