I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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