Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I FOUND THE LEGS
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
