I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
