Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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