Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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