I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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