WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
