ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do vagina's smell?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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