I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
