im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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