I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
