Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
