I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
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