i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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