yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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