dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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