So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
