i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I AM VODKA MAN
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
