dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
