you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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