I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just had sex on a roof
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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