he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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