Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Randomize
