Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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