I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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