If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
