I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's great music for shaving your balls
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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