You're completely useless in the revolution.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
