pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
As shirtless as possible
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
