I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
