Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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