He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
God, you're like boner-b-gone
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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