I'm going to jail i love you
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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