If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
