what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize