What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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