I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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