just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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