I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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