Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just blew my weed a kiss
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
