maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
