Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize