we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
