That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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