benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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