I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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