Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
