So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
