Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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