I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
