My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
