I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Randomize