yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
