There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Are we still banned from the library?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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