The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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