I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
