You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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