wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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